It is two weeks since diagnosis and it seems like two months. Both DH and feel odd about it. Because of this lack of anything happening it feels like it isn’t real.
I admit it is on my mind a lot; thinking about how I will look, what the post op pain will be like, how long before I can get back to normal afterwards. I will be off work for at least 6 weeks, maybe longer.
Weirdly I am not scared ‘though I feel I should be. Cancer is life threatening but I don’t feel the threat. Maybe that will come nearer the time of or after the op. I have been through a lot in life and this doesn’t feel half as scary or stressful as other things have over the years.
I have been feeling tired which may indicate the effect of stress internally but it is hard to tell. I did a long trip last weekend, I am not sleeping due to night sweats and aches and pains. They seem worst right now but nothing new. I have been prioritising sleep and rest this week so I can keep my mojo going for work and home.
This week I have been to get my hair coloured, a first for me. I am the last person to take have a proper job done on my hair but I actually paid for someone to dye it properly with three tones. I now have that beach ready look. Got to get the rest of the body beach ready………Anyway I have some confidence in my hairdresser. If I have to go to have my hair shaved off they already know and have the experience. One of their own staff has just been through it all.
I have checked out post surgical bras at Marks and Spencers. Now as a really down to earth girl and big busted girl I am not interested in pretty bras but do like to look supported. Usually I can only find one or two to fit comfortably and usually they are in the pain range. I am told to go to Bravissimo but I haven’t had the time as it is in the next city over. As I am in reading in a few weeks I may go and seek their shop out. Anyway. M&S have a nice range but won’t fit me until I get my prosthesis. I went really to get an idea because in my head I couldn’t work out how they would be. It was a small thing but another of the things off my mind. Next item to check out is swimming costumes. While I am off I want to get a bit fitter and swimming gently will help stretch the tendons and skin around the wound as well as get me moving. Just looked; there are loads of cossies out there.
In other news – The front garden is half done. It is a wildlife garden but full of grass. It has been hard going as the ground is super dry. My mother in law gave me some plants which I have put in to fill in the gaps where the grass took over.
On Tuesday I had my nephews over to clear the porch and prepare the wooden paneling to be painter. The job is now complete apart from some touching up to be done then we move the shelves back in today.
So one off the list. Another nephew has started the deep clean of the kitchen and I have been slowly clearing clutter through the house. In the past I would been in competition with some of those TV hoarders. As it happens, with decluttering in the last year it has not been such a big job to clear out. The only room that really needs my attention in a big way is the front bedroom which is a spare room and office plus dumping ground. This is going to be my bedroom for three or four weeks so my poor husband can sleep and I can do what I want when awake at three in the morning. The two nearly new but not comfortable for me mattresses on the spare single bed and am getting a new one but won’t until the whole room has been cleared.
Today I am in the garden, sorting pots and putting home made compost on the front garden. I have some housework and will go over the allotment to do some prep work so all that needs doing is watering next month.