This what Terry Pratchett called his Alkzeimers and this is how I feel about my cancer.
Suddenly all I can talk and think about is cancer, my cancer, me. Over the weekend I have told various groups of friends who have been brilliant and kind. Many people know of someone who has survived and thrived after breast cancer treatment. One friend had had treatment a few years ago. I used to meet her for coffee when she was having radiotherapy; my small contribution. She said ‘welcome to the club (but not the sort of club, you want to be in)’. She was very reassuring. Her cancer was bigger than mine by a long chalk.
I have more family to tell but am doing it face to face over next weekend.
I have been researching mastectomy and sought advice and tips for pre and post op care. I don’t think I will be back at work as soon as I would have liked but hey ho.
I have looked at post mastectomy pictures. It is hard to visualise what you will look like, especially as I have a plumptious build and so will have to trust the surgeon to do their best.
The question I have been asked the most is about reconstruction. Will I have it? Apparently you can have it straight after your op but I will have to have radiotherapy I am told so this won’t happen. I can’t answer this question yet although I hope I get to do so. Apparently they can use some of my fat. An unexpected upside.
My husband has been wonderful and practical. he has started doing the list of things I want done. This will get more intense over the next few weeks but it will focus our minds on the prize.
Back at work to day was tough. I was so nervous I hardly slept. It was OK. I was worried about whether I could cope. I am actually embarrassed by all of this attention as it is. My team is small but perfectly formed and very supportive. I may need to take them up on offers of time off but at the moment I want to continue as normally as possible until I go on holiday mid August and then not go back for 6 to 8 weeks.
As it stands I feel OK but occasionally tearful. I am fearful but hopeful. I am thankful for friends and family who have been kind and the multitude of hugs which are imbued with special meaning with an extra squeeze. Thankyou.